A LETTER OF INTENT

After six years of college, a master's degree, and 700 hours of unpaid internship- I intended to help other people's children become the very best that they could be. Don't get me wrong, working in education is both the most rewarding and edifying career an individual could have. However, a few weeks ago, I did something I never thought I would consider possible. I signed a letter of intent stating that I would not be returning to work.

I had decided to leave my dream profession for another - stay at home mom. 

I wasn't really prepared for the demands of this position. Maybe I had idealistically envisioned craft time around the table with chocolate milk in hand, beaming at my son creating works of art. Dinner would always be served on time, and somehow, I would figure out how to conquer the Everest in our home - the laundry pile. 

Not a lot has changed since I committed myself to being at home full time. And yet, everything has. Or at least, I have. Internally, I suppose I've signed a new letter of intent - binding myself to the daily and gloriously mundane moments of my children, devoting myself to the constant pleas of our home's needs, and unwaveringly supporting my husband as he provides for us all. And as this letter of intent is directed to my children, it's important that they know;

I intend to no longer awake to my own alarm, but to your cries, grunts, and laughter every morning. Even if that means 2 am. 

I intend to reheat my coffee at least three more times before even taking one single sip.

To continuously change diaper after diaper 

and to some days not brush my teeth until noon. 

I intend to embrace the messy bun as a sign of solidarity to all the other moms out there 

and to see them as community, not competition. 

I intend to watch you destroy the house in your adventuring even after I've cleaned.

But, I also intend to learn how to be more patient and calm after you've had a tantrum.

To surround myself with strong women who can show me the way and follow in their footsteps.

To cherish the moments that are fleeting, but meaningful. Making certain to put you at my focus, not my phone's screen. 

To lay down my wants for your needs even when its hard, uncomfortable, and not without sacrifice. 

To relinquish guilt of any kind and embrace that our lives are enough, that I am enough, and that who you are becoming, and who you are now, is enough. 

To fully take advantage of nap time and emerge re-energized; learning that when I'm a better me - you can become a better you. 

I intend to put your daddy first - because it was our love that brought you here. And because it's important that you see that you are not all of me. 

I intend to continue to pursue after my dreams, goals, and ambitions - to blaze a trail in which you might someday follow after. 

I intend to teach, but more importantly, show you God's love in hopes that one day you might give your life to Him too. 

To tuck you in at night, saying silent prayers of thanks for your precious life and leaving the door cracked so that you can see the light. 

I intend to protect, nurture, and celebrate you. 

But mostly, I intend to love you like its my job.