The realization didn't come until about 10 pm. I had literally wasted my entire day to grumbling and complaining.   

It had been another difficult day. Another napped skipped. Another tooth popping through. Another messy room. Another tear-stained face clamoring for attention. Another dinnertime battle. Another late night. 

These were the things I was focusing on - the things I was allowing to define my day. And yet, there was so much more. 

Another giggle. Another new word. Another reminder that I'm loved. Another sweet "love you, mama." Another moment to cherish. Another spontaneous hug. Another night cuddling my baby. Another day spent at home with my children. Another week celebrating my husband's success. Another cup of delicious coffee. 

I lost sight of what mattered and what counted. I lost sight of the blessing that was right in front of me. 

Our seasons are not devoid of things to be thankful for. But the enemy of our souls doesn't want us to know that. He hates when we praise God in, and for, all things. It's like a trumpet call; declaring war on the enemies schemes to minimalize our lives and destroy our hearts, and our intentions. It's another tactic to get our eyes off the Lord - and onto smaller, less important things. Eventually causing us to miss the season we are in all altogether. 

And I don't want to miss another thing. I don't want to miss the beauty of my children as they grow, or forget the vibrancy of my husband in his younger age. I want to soak in, and savor every detail, every single second I have with them. 

I'm grateful for do-overs - for the chance to start over again tomorrow and for a Lord who can make the blind, see. And I'm not going to waste anymore time. I'm going to stand here and shout praise to the God whose given so much, so freely. I'm going to stop my grumbling and I'm going to finally see, really see, the blessing that's right in front of me.



I have a confession. 

I have a secret that only my innermost circle knows about. In fact, I've hidden it so well that maybe even they've forgotten I struggle with it. 

It's debilitating. Sometimes, I can't get anything done as I inwardly battle against it. It causes me to overly criticize myself, my circumstances, and the people around me - always resulting in disappointment and negativity. It literally displaces my joy and infects my heart with discontentment. It's worse when I project it onto my loved ones - as if they are not enough, or the best that they could be. It can change my entire perspective in a split-second. It's fed by the trending rhetoric found on social media, that no matter what you do -it isn't good enough or pretty enough. All of this works on convincing me that my lack defines me more than the abundance that lives within me.

Does any of this sound familiar? 

I am a perfectionist. 

It's incredible how much this one personality trait holds me back from embracing this season I'm in. How can I embrace that which I am constantly critiquing? It's impossible. 

For me, motherhood presents a few challenges - as I'm certain other seasons of life do as well. What it boils down to though, is that there just isn't enough time or the emotional energy to present my life, and this season, the way I wish I could. Some days, I wake up having only slept a couple of hours the night before. I might not brush my teeth until after lunch time. I might throw my hair into a bun and will most definitely wear my leggings as long as possible. There are days where I wake up happy and ready to be the best mother that I can be; and then other days where my husband has to drag me out of bed. I mean I can give countless examples where I am a mess. I run late. I forget important tasks. Breakfast is just oatmeal. My kids whine. I hardly see my friends. Coffee is more of a food group then it should be. I don't workout. The house is covered in train tracks, and 'beep-beeps', and crumbs. 

I've had to let go. 

Of friendships. Of habits. Of routines. 

Of expectations. Of ideals. Of performance. 

I've had to let go of the pretense that I'm in control. My perfectionism is a shaky grasp for what I think is better - my version of redemption and my kingdom, NOT His

But you see, God is changing me. He's working on these areas of my heart that I didn't even know existed - digging up both treasures, and ruins. Perfectionism? I no longer have a need for it - it deserves a place in the recycling bin.  

God takes what's good, and makes it better. And He takes what's bad and redeems it - changing it until it has no shadow of it's former self. Nothing goes to waste, and even more is added to us. This is the abundant life. 

I'm a citizen of the upside-down kingdom where my imperfection is invitation to His perfection and where my lack welcomes His abundance. It's where letting go gives me the ability to embrace and celebrate my flaws, my mess, and my unbrushed teeth. Thanks God.


Anticipation and excitement was abounding. I was in this place of passionate pursuit of all these swirling dreams. Fully confident in my efforts and energy to achieve them in a timely manner, whilst keeping up with all other aspects of life.

I felt on fire. Like my moment was coming where I was going to birth these exciting and life-changing dreams. It all felt right and although it was time-consuming, I was balancing (or juggling) it all.

Then all of sudden, coming from left field, it all halted. An abrupt stop occurred and I had no idea what happened. I was thrown into this tumbleweed that effortlessly floated across the dessert with no real destination in sight.

It happened when the school year began. But our school year is different, because I homeschool. It's our choice, and I love it. I am blessed to be able to do it. But I have to humble myself and admit, I was not ready for it this year. I was unprepared. I must have tricked myself into thinking I could fit it all in. That there were, indeed, enough hours in the day to accomplish all the things.

I was full throttle, full steam ahead into so many little areas of chasing my dreams. Making plans, following them, creating goals and crushing them. It all felt right. And then it stopped. Out of nowhere.

And for weeks, I tried to balance it all. I tried to keep the momentum strong. Putting my relationship with God first in all areas. Doing homeschool, while still chasing my dreams. Housework, working on my marriage, grocery shopping, maintaining my relationships, trying to lose those dang last 7 pounds of baby weight... I was trying to do it all.

And all it left me was more frustrated, more confused, more defeated. Feeling incapable of carrying a load is humbling to say the least. I wasn’t understanding why I couldn’t do it all. The days were flying by and I felt like I was yelling a lot more. Life was feeling out of whack. And a little out of control. I usually had our agenda set for each day, and normally each day is still filled with spontaneity. But at this moment, nothing was free-flowing. Nothing was working. We were just busting our butts to accomplish as much as we could within one day. It was chaos.

First thing I needed to do was admit that this was happening. That I couldn’t do it all. And that God was still right with me, leading me and guiding me. Probably trying to tell me things all along, but I was too consumed with everything to stop and listen.

As my life started to level off, I continued to seek the Lord. My focus started to transition more wholly to our homeschool day. I began having less and less time to write and pursue some of my other passions in life. I was fitting in healthy habits and exercise and the rest of my day was filled with homeschool and what I had left, went to cooking and cleaning. Everything else had to be set aside for a season. I needed to reprioritize my life and pick and choose what HAD to be done every day and everything else needed to remain in a “if time allows” slot.

And then it hit me, I had entered a new season of life. I knew it was coming. I knew our homeschool year was starting in the fall. And yet, mentally and emotionally, I felt everything else would remain the same and I would simply be adding a few homeschool tasks. But that was not the case. Our entire summer routine had changed and we had scheduled curriculum to learn each day. And we all love that we get to be together each day. But I began feeling this frustration that homeschool was taking up a huge chunk of my time during the day. And I was unable to achieve any other tasks.

It was selfish to say the least. Not to mention, this is the path I chose. To be a stay-at-home-mom and to homeschool our children. This, in fact, was my dream. I was living out my dream each and every day. But I was not practicing gratefulness in this area of life. I was not thankful for this sweet opportunity because I felt it was “getting in the way” of all the other things I wanted to do.

I fought that notion for so long. I didn’t want to accept that this was a new season. And ordinarily, I love change. I welcome change. I enjoy new seasons. But my rushing flow of momentum had been brought to a halt and it was unexpected. I was blindsided. But once I accepted this new season, and even just realized I had entered a new season and there were very important tasks at hand- things began to change. And it started in my heart.

I knew that the Lord would lead me into it and through it. That there was no pressure to have a timeline of all these dreams because they would be there waiting when God’s timing called for it. That it may be sprinkled throughout the school year, or even fit into tiny increments in each day. Or that it might mean next summer. Or it might even mean years from now. But right now, I am called to sacrifice some of those dreams for the other calling on my life of mom and teacher. And that was a hard pill to swallow at first. But, I trust the Lord more than my own flesh desires. And I know this season is so important. This is where my priority lies right now.

I truly love embracing new seasons and all that comes with them. Fully knowing how the Lord sanctioned it and has perfect things planned for that timing. Whether good or bad, He is teaching me through them, and growing me to be a better me. For my family, for my friends, for His kingdom.

I’m not sure why this transition of seasons hit me so hard this time. So unforeseen. So abrupt. This swift overflow that caught me off guard from a season I was currently loving and not ready to leave and it swept me up into the current of fierce speed and discipline. Maybe I was thinking I would have accomplished my goals already by this point. Like maybe God was going to let me achieve all I wanted to do before He would move me into the next season. You know, because it always works out perfectly like that?

No, this is another chance for me to learn and grow and balance my life. An opportunity for me to prioritize and trust what Jesus has for me. And that right now, teaching my children is a high priority, and my other dreams must wait. Because this is the current dream I am living right now. And it won’t last forever, so I am called to enjoy this moment as it is. Not looking back and not looking forward, but just being in the now.


God is always teaching me to embrace the “now”. This beautiful, unexpected, consuming season of life. With all its demands and challenges and joy and laughter. This is the season I am in. And I have no idea what God has next for me, and maybe I will be prepared and maybe I will be surprised again. Either way, I will now accept it with a more open heart as I know His plans are better than mine. And His timing is purposeful and divine.

Wherever you are in life right now, know that God has a purpose for you. He is using you in ways that you may not know. Let’s stop fighting where we are and learn to embrace the moment and all the Lord is doing in and through us. Being confident that His ways are better than ours and what is before us right now, is the greatest task/dream/adventure we have the opportunity of living out. Because God is the one who designed this exact time in our lives.

You can learn more about Meghan, here